Talk:Loss of biodiversity - caused and solved by globalisation?: Difference between revisions

Hey Jule, first of all I want to thank you for your feedback, I think some ideas are really helpful and I will try to improve the text. However, I will write you a personaI message, since I don't want this to look like I was trying to waste words... I like your essay, too, especially since this is a topic I am very interested in. There are a couple of annotations concerning content and structure, I hope they will serve you. Furthermore I would like to add, that I found it extremely interesting to read your essay, there are a lot of facts in there, which I didn't know before! Excellent selection of relevant and interesting facts therefore!

*Although I really like reading your text, it sometimes becomes obvious, that you had some problems in regards to the definition terms as to the final goal, which the essay is supposed to aim for. Sometimes it seems that you are unsure about your own opinion. I think what you are writing in your essay is indubitably true. So you should be more confident about what you are saying, since it is very true. Also for me, a leitmotif is missing. I had or still have my problems with that, too. Since you've got everything figured out in your mind, everything seems to be so obvious for oneself. Try to read your essay once again from a strangers point of view. Maybe you could lead over the different subchapters, that would make it easier to read.  

*One minor edit: since the Copenhagen Conference is history by now, you might want to refer to it as an example of how hard international agreements are to achieve. It might be interesting for you to know (just as a additional information) that someone from the university of Lüneburg was there and she was so aghast not only by the organisation but of course also by the results. We should not underestimate the conflict potential with which the topic of biodiversity comes along. I do like your attempt to refer to the lastest news, though!

*There are only some content ideas I want to share with you - all in all, you seem to have done a fabulous job in research! Since this is a topic of the utmost importance, I think you should stress the importance in your essay. So, why is it so important to maintain the biodiversity? What would in case of an extreme loss of biodiversity be the consequences for every single one of us? I personally think, that these essays we are developing during this course are supposed to make us think and revise our own actions. Maybe I am wrong, but for me these essays should fulfil this attribute...

*Finally, I would like to add the fact, that I really love the idea of upgrading the reference list by further information. It makes you feel less lost when attempting to get more into the topic. You should definitely keep that!